Thesis Paragraphs
Interestingly, all three students wrote papers responding to prompts that in some way related to gender and the Vietnam War.
Nicole, Anastasia and Nem’s thesis paragraphs show great growth in comparison with their initial thesis paragraphs. While there are still areas for improvement, these are new areas and the previous ones are quite satisfactorily met!
Nicole’s Thesis paragraph reads,
Nicole, Anastasia and Nem’s thesis paragraphs show great growth in comparison with their initial thesis paragraphs. While there are still areas for improvement, these are new areas and the previous ones are quite satisfactorily met!
Nicole’s Thesis paragraph reads,
Nicole successfully includes all the important elements of a thesis statement – specific details, an argument and a reflection on authorial intent (a "so what"). While her reflection on the larger significance of her thesis could be more specific and better developed, the meat of the paper is there.
What this paper is missing, however, is a bridge between the opening sentence and the thesis statement. Interestingly, her original thesis paragraph had an opening sentence and a bridge but no thesis statement. In contrast, this one has an opening sentence, a thesis statement and no bridge.
Because of its prior existence, it is clear that Nicole is capable of writing a bridge, she just did not succeed in doing so in this assignment, a fact that reflects partially on my own lack of clarity in explaining what a bridge is, how it functions and how it is written.
Anastasia’s thesis paragraph reads,
What this paper is missing, however, is a bridge between the opening sentence and the thesis statement. Interestingly, her original thesis paragraph had an opening sentence and a bridge but no thesis statement. In contrast, this one has an opening sentence, a thesis statement and no bridge.
Because of its prior existence, it is clear that Nicole is capable of writing a bridge, she just did not succeed in doing so in this assignment, a fact that reflects partially on my own lack of clarity in explaining what a bridge is, how it functions and how it is written.
Anastasia’s thesis paragraph reads,
While it is a bit wordy and overly wrought in places, she successfully includes specific details, an argument, a so what and a bridge. This paragraph could be improved only through rewriting the hook and the bridge – Anastasia’s opening sentence is so broad that the resulting bridge between it and the thesis sentence doesn’t actually reveal anything about what the argument of the paper will be or about the direction in which the argument will move.
Finally, Nem’s thesis paragraph reads,
Finally, Nem’s thesis paragraph reads,
Nem’s paper succeeds in the areas where Nicole and Anastasia’s falter. Its bridge sets up the significance of O’Brien’s construction of the different types of relationships present during the Vietnam War and the superiority of these relationships.
Her thesis statement, while containing three specific examples, an argument and a reflection on authorial significance, could be more detailed. For example, while the reader knows that she is focusing on“the nature of Martha’s relationship with Lieutenant Cross,” it is unclear what the nature of this relationship is. As a result, without using the argument to color the details, it is hard to discern how the three relationships listed in the thesis statement relate. Descriptive modifiers could be added to clarify this relationship, a concept I could, and perhaps should, have included.
In all three cases, the students include sophisticated three-part thesis statements and successfully show their learning. The areas for improvement – a more clearly developed and defined bridge, the importance of showing the major arguments expressed in the paper in the thesis paragraph, and the importance of using descriptive adjectives to characterize the examples in the thesis statements – are all areas whose deficits show that I could have taught the students better!
Her thesis statement, while containing three specific examples, an argument and a reflection on authorial significance, could be more detailed. For example, while the reader knows that she is focusing on“the nature of Martha’s relationship with Lieutenant Cross,” it is unclear what the nature of this relationship is. As a result, without using the argument to color the details, it is hard to discern how the three relationships listed in the thesis statement relate. Descriptive modifiers could be added to clarify this relationship, a concept I could, and perhaps should, have included.
In all three cases, the students include sophisticated three-part thesis statements and successfully show their learning. The areas for improvement – a more clearly developed and defined bridge, the importance of showing the major arguments expressed in the paper in the thesis paragraph, and the importance of using descriptive adjectives to characterize the examples in the thesis statements – are all areas whose deficits show that I could have taught the students better!